This has nothing to do with crafts.. but I am really struggling with something and I am hoping that writing it down might help me understand it.. or even just get it out.
I feel like the WORST mom.. I struggle with feeling like I am doing a good enough job every day - what mom doesn't? right? but it is starting to take over my whole life.
My son is 6 .. and I feel like I have FAILED him. Because as a mom it is your job to make these little creatures into respectful, successful adults- and when they act naughty everyone looks to you like "what did you do wrong?" And I am always feeling like "what did I do wrong?" Now I know that most of you are thinking I am way to hard on myself and my son.. but I have been told since he was two by strangers, friends and family that he is out control.I have been asked if he has ADD? I have been told he needs more structure, that he is a very frustrated and angry child.
Everyone tells you how wonderful having children is, that you will love them more then you can say, that it will change you and be the most amazing experience of your life!! And all that is totally true.. but what they don't tell you is how much you will battle yourself, question yourself, and wonder everyday if you are doing the right thing!!
I am not the kind of person who was just born to be a mom.. I love my kids with every thing inside me .. but I am not naturally patient or understanding. I have to fake the patience, and bite my tongue when my son yells horrible to me.
I guess I just need to hear that it will get easier.. that if I keep doing the right thing he will be ok!! That if I love him enough and try hard enough that he will start making the right choices on his own.
Tonight all I can do is beg for the strength to do it all over again tomorrow!!!
My brother was quite the hand full for my poor mom at that age. She was told those same things over and over because he did have ADHD and was very aggressive. Then something magically changed inside him. He turned into that boy everyone wanted their children to be friends with. My mom continued to get comments on her mothering skills, but now telling her how she did a good job. Anyway keep doing what your doing. Your his mom for a reason. Trust yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't personally know you, but I've been following your blog for awhile. I love all of your cute crafts!!!
ReplyDeleteThis really touched me because I feel like everything you wrote I could have written myself! My oldest boys is almost 5, and I'm going through the exact same thing with him. It's so hard, everyday is a struggle. Reading this brought me a little comfort just to know that I'm not the only one going through this! Even my mom tells me she's never seen a kid like mine and he needs anger management. I try to just shrug it off, but it gets hard to hear. Especially since I have know idea what to do with him. So, I can't offer any advice. But maybe you will feel a little better, too, knowing you are not the only person who feels this way!
If you would ever like to talk more about it, leave a comment on here and I send you my email!
Malinda Q.
*Hugs* Lyndsey i just read this to my husband and we both dont think you are the "worst" mom. If you were you wouldnt have wrote this post. You didnt "fail" him either. Being a mom is HARD! I struggle every day. All we can do is our best. who cares what eveyones opinions about us are. When they point thier fingures at us they have 3 pointing back at them... I wish i could help more but I truly beieve that if you keep doing what you are doing everything will be okay:)
ReplyDeleteDear Lyndsey,
ReplyDeleteI also have been following your blog for a while and you are such a fun MOM!! I'm sure that yesterday was just more trying than some days. I know when I had little ones, I would have them earn their rewards. This taught them that every choice has a consequence. Such as making your bed, doing your homework, not hard things, but then they would earn time to watch television or play with friends or what not. I know that everyone is different and something that works for some Moms, and some children doesn't work for others. But it worked for me that you have to do your work before the fun things. Even now they know every thing you do affects something else. All we can do is do our best. No one has the right to judge you and please don't feel that they are, if they are they are just trying to cover up their short comings. None of us are perfect and we all have things to learn. As you know, children don't come with an instrustion manual and we just have to figure out how to crack the codes that work on each personality.
Chin up and smile. . .you are blessed!
My son is similar. He has moments where he is so tender and sweet and obviously trying to please, but most of the time he's either 'too much in his own head' to be part of what's going on around him, yelling, overactive, not listening, etc. You can tell when he's in a crowd of kids that he's the one that's different from the others. It's hard; everyone wants their kid to fit in. What I've learned is that my son is unique and I have to embrace his differences rather than fight him. That doesn't mean he's allowed to push around his little brother or be mean, but it does mean, for example, that I give him lots to do to burn off his energy rather than try to force him to sit still when he's incapable of doing that without prior activity.
ReplyDeleteHang on. Your son looks happy and healthy, and you obviously care a lot.
My son is 14, and when I look back at him at age 6, I too thought I was the worst Mom ever. I was a single mom at the time, and he and I fought a lot. It was a horrible year or two. I questioned myself, thought that I had failed him because he was so "mean" and that the two of us would never be friends.
ReplyDeleteTeachers called me to have him tested, put on drugs, etc. and I always said no.
Somewhere around 9 or 10, he turned into a normal, real human being, and he and I have been very close ever since. I think going through that hard time brought us closer - knowing we can make it through anything. I know all situations are different, but I felt the same as what you expressed, and am 100% happy with the two of us now, even with a crazy pre-teen. :) (who makes mostly A's and B's, can focus and takes responsibility on himself, even without all those drugs everyone wanted me to put him on) ;)
Hang in there - it most certainly gets better.
Lyndsey,
ReplyDeleteI don't kow you personally either but we have a bond, like you and your other readers. We're all women. All of us moms (with children, or helping with other children in some way). We all, to some degree, feel your pain. You ARE a good person. You ARE a good mom. Hang in there!!
HEY GIRLIE....I know! I also know that what we go through as Mom's, isn't just for the kids, it's for ourselves. We stretch and grow and along the way we get to learn all about our faults and our strengths at the same time! NO WONDER WE'RE SO DANG EMOTIONAL...RIGHT?! I have four kids 3 boys and 1 girl! Boys have just got to be the CrAzIEst little creatures on the planet. All my boys are so different from eachother. Yet, they all have that little crazy in them. LOTS OF ENERGY and VERY LOUD! My oldest...I can relate to your little boy (also first born,right?) was ALWAYS out of control. I could never keep him busy enough, I could never sit him in time out and have it work. Always on the go! Even at church in our Nursery when he was about 2 he was kicked out because he was "VIOLENT". Like he brought a knife in his stinkin' diaper! WHATEVER PEOPLE! The one in charge had one little girl who was reading at age 2. NO WAY you can compare. Each child is so different.
ReplyDeleteI realized YEARS later...he was just a natural born leader with a plan. That plan had nothing to do with mine. If I needed him to do something I would have to make it his choice. I would give him two choices...the one I wanted him to choose and the one I didn't want him to choose and told him the consequences for both. He liked to be able to be in charge of what he was doing so if he could choose...not Mom's idea, PERFECT!
I also know now, He was born to be an example to those around him (his brothers and sister) and he was born strong willed so that he could stand up for what he knew was right.
He is turning 10 in May. This boy is still on the go. He still likes to be in charge too. He loves to help people and is a GOOD leader. He also is very helpful and super sweet! His teachers tell me he is such a great example to the kids who are naughty in class. They look up to his honesty and kindness. She said they all want to be his friend and BE like him too.
As for his high energy he has to be in a sport of some sort. It's all about finding that little something that you can channel all that energy into. I'm sorry I just BLABBED so much!
I just wanted you to know you are SOOOOOOO not alone. We need to stay as positive as we can. Oh, and I'm surprised I still HAVE a tongue...I'm always biting mine. That's not fake, that's controlling your mouth. GOOD JOB! You can totally do this girlie! I plan on doing it again tomorrow:) Are you game? I'll be thinking of you. Lets DO IT! We're side by side sista. GO LYNDS, GO!
Jennie {Cinnaberry Suite}
Hi Lyndsey!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Unfortunately, our kids don't come with manuals! Raising children is not an easy task and we most certainly can't do it by ourselves! We rely on partnership with our spouses and the good word of parents, teachers, and friends. I know you're not a terrible mother or you wouldn't express your concern here. No one can give you an 'instant' answer to your problem. You just have to keep loving that little man UNCONDITIONALLY. I do believe in consistency with discipline and know that every child needs to have guidelines to follow. You continue to teach him the good things you were taught and he WILL grow up to be a great person. We all have trials and they come in all kinds of packages. Carry on? Yeh, we have to but we will be rewarded for our efforts. And right there is a key word...effort. Give it all you've got! Your kids are going to love you for it and, in turn, you'll love yourself!!
Blessings to you and yours,
Vicky :0)
Hi Lyndsey!!
ReplyDeleteAs a former first grade teacher, I can tell you that I saw this A LOT with boys in my classes. I think it has a lot to do with boys just being boys... it's part of their growing up. It has NOTHING to do with their parenting!! Boys have tons more energy, aggression, etc., and they are just little people trying to figure it all out!! I am sorry for all of the rude people out there. But honestly, just keep doing what you're doing, and it will all work out and he will be just fine! I know that doesn't make it any easier on you, but I just thought that sharing my perspective might help you feel a little better!!
Hugs,
Alison
Lyndsey,
ReplyDeleteWe're all super humans...we're moms. And you may not be perfect, but you're perfect for your children. A friend of mine told me that you're not always the perfect mom, but you're the perfect mom for your children. Keep your head up girly! Remember any time you feel like venting, us moms out here in the bloggin' world are here to read :)
:)
Jamie
Hey there,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry .... I usually will not comment but I guess I just wanted to say a few things??? i was probably that child for my mom...my teachers and grandparents would call her and tell her I have ADD and I was tested....And no I don't have ADD I just have a lot of energy, I still do, but my mom never gave up on me and I was actually a REALLY good teenager. My only suggestion would be don't let him know these things. I was always told by people how horrible I was and annoying and out of control....and it really did begin to control my life until I decided to do something about it! Now I have a mini ME, and I LOVE HER TO DEATH. Yes she is out of control and runs around like a wild baboon but that makes her Klancee and I wouldn't change her! So I guess my only suggestions is it doesn't matter what people think you are a good mother don't let them take away how wonderful your son is. It is kind of weird that I feel like I know you really well from the blogging world! Hope that helps!!
WOW I came across your blog...as a new blogger myself..I am just randomly searching for inspiration and didn't expect to read something so honest and humbling. You go girl. I love your ability to share that you're not patient (which even you being able to say that makes me think you are being harder on yourself than you should be)....but thanks for opening yourself up in such a genuine way. Your son is so blessed to have someone like you constantly questioning their self. If you are questioning whether or not you are doing you're best....you are. Caring is enough. Thank you for a great blog.
ReplyDeleteOh girl! I am so sorry! I feel your pain! I am exactly the same way as you! I haven't very much patience or understanding either :(.....I used to be a great mom...when I only had one child and hadn't started in on the crafts and vinyl...I had nothing else to do at the time but spend it with my baby. Four years ago on the 26th of this month I lost both of my parents. I don't have much family and what I do have lives in CA...I'm in Idaho. I had so much to take care of I lost touch with reality and wanted to be alone and not bothered with my kids...so I started crafts and bought a vinyl cutter to get away from the reality of what was going on around me. Since then, I lost ALL patience with kids and it has since become a habit...and a bad one at that! So, I understand what you're saying. In Dr. Phil's words "You can't change what you don't acknowledge" and YOU girl are acknowledging things....that's the right start to getting back on the right path....I know...it's SO much easier said than done...I basically just put my foot in my own mouth ha ha I'm still having trouble gaining patience...Remember if you pray for patience the Lord will give you the opportunity to be patient.....I know it sucks! ;) I don't personally know you but I like ya from what I do know! I'm sure you're a great mom and having the confidence to write about it for the world to see and to open your heart and soul to strangers is an AMAZING part of your mind and soul.....It's hard to be vulnerable. Things will get easier....Maybe you should hire Nanny 911? ha ha I'm kidding!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas girl! You rock!
Hey Lynds, I haven't been on for a while.. and I just read your post! I agree with the others and think you are being way too hard on yourself! I can tell you are an incredible mother and your son is a wonderful kid! If you weren't perfect for your son, he wouldn't have been brought to you! You are exactly what he needs and with all the love you give him, he will be fine. It might take some time, lots of learning and growing..but it will all be worth it in the end! Think how much stronger the both of you are going to be! Life is so hard, but it's how we get threw it that matters and I think you are doing a great job! You are looking for ways to learn from it and make it better and that's a lot more than most people do! I can tell you are an amazing person and mother! I hope you have a great Holiday season! :) Ker
ReplyDeleteLynds you are always telling me what a great mother and person I am, but who do I always turn to for advice? That's right YOU! Parker is a GREAT kid and you are an AMAZNG mother! I just read this post and all the comments and my heart hurt because you doubt yourself and are being WAY too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Just like Parker doesn't have a perfect and great day everyday, neither can you. Understand that days like this are to be expected and when it feels like it's too much to handle call a friend or let Chance help carry the load for you. You are such a strong woman and great example to me and a lot of others out there as well. I love ya girly! Keep pushing forward and take it day by day cause you ARE doing a great job!
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